Tag Archives: lifestyle

Best night yet

Dear Eli

Seven weeks old and you have had some great adventures already. I am writing this at 5am and have been awake since 4am, for a change I can’t blame you for me being awake. After several horrendous nights you surprised and delighted me with your best night yet 7:30-1:30am and then a wake up at 4am. My body has decided that it has had enough sleep now so momsomnia has kicked in.

I had put your awful nights down to a bit of silent reflux, something I have suspected you suffered with since you was born, it seemed to get worse this last week and I even debated a trip to the drs after a few evenings of screaming and very unsettled days. From the early hours of the mornings you was waking uncomfortable and gassy spending the rest of the night trumping, grunting and leg crunching. I learnt some massage techniques with Eva which really help but only offer you temporary relief so I decided to try infacol. You have been having it at most feeds for a day and a half now so this fab night could be as a result of this. It’s a coincidence if not.

This last week has been a game changer. You are not a new born any more and so also not quite as flexible. You are more awake, more alert, have found your arms and smile. This all equals a need for more of my attention. Something I would love to give you every second of but something I am trying to learn to share with Eva. I am trying to find that balance but a baby and toddlers needs are very different so it is tricky. I feel very guilty sometimes as I don’t feel you get enough of my time but i don’t think that is the reality as you are always with me.

We are off on your first holiday very shortly and our first holiday as a family of four. It’s ridiculous how much stuff I need to pack. So much so that I don’t think it will fit in the car so we are borrowing grandads minibus. I can’t wait to take you swimming for the first time. You seem to love the water and haven’t cried for one bath time yet. In fact often you cry up to bath time but as soon as I get you undressed ready you seem to relax. We get the most smiles during or just after the bath so hopefully that will be the same for the swimming pool. I need to look into getting some swimming lessons arranged as it was my favourite activity to do with Eva.

You are such a big boy I worry that we will try and speed you up. I look at you sometimes and it is hard to remember you are just seven weeks old. You have been in 3-6 month clothes for weeks now and look more like a five month old. I promise to try and remember how young you are and not try to grow you up quicker to match your size.

Oh gosh I burst with love when I look at your sleeping little face. You still smell amazing and now I get rewarded with smiles I wish I had more hours to spend making silly faces at you.

I can’t wait for more adventures and as hard as this journey is now I am a mum to two I can’t wait to watch yours and Eva’s relationship grow. I know already that hearing you both cry together, at the same time is one of the worst sounds ever. I can only assume and look forward to the moment when you both laugh in unison? I suspect I will pop at hearing the best sound in the world.

Lots of love and snuggles



A Special Selfie

Dear baby Eva,

Some things are too special to get lost. Most of the things I am referring to are not actually things at all. Moments, memories, relationships. They come in all shapes and sizes but realising their importance so they can be saved forever is crucial. Today I received something that to the casual observer would seem very ordinary. To anyone else it may have raised a brief smile before being deleted and lost. But to me I recognised its importance and need to be saved forever, or at least until you are old enough to appreciate it and see its value.

A selfie to most people is a fairly standard part of life. at some point the majority of us will have turned our phone around and captured a moment with ourselves as the main subject. Most of these selfies will be destined to be deleted or remain unseen due to a lack of self-confidence, bad styling, unflattering angles, the list goes on but for the special select few they will receive heavy editing and some fancy filters before being plastered on social media portraying an extraordinary and inspiring life. I’m not dissing the selfie or the selfie takers, we have all done it. I am just wanting to highlight to you how ordinary and uninspiring most selfies are.

However today I received this..

grandma, grandaughter, selfie, hats

If you are reading this as a grown up and have somehow developed a career as a selfie critic then on first appearance this would not rank high amongst all the carefully styled and polished selfies doing the rounds. For starters the lighting and camera angle leaves a lot to be desired amongst many other flaws which I will not go into. So what is so special about this particular selfie? I will come back to the answer shortly but first I need to ramble on with a bit of background.

My mother in law, your grandma is a very interesting lady. As a person I find her a mostly, wonderful contradiction.

Grandma one  – Is religious and moral her family and faith will always come first. So well organised she could tell you to the penny how much has been spent dining in her favourite restaurant over the last ten years. Incredibly intelligent and well cultured she likes to do things properly, like wear hats to weddings, really big ones and send cards for every occasion.

Grandma two – Is a hard, ruthless Yorkshire woman. An alcoholic, social butterfly who can drink most people under the table and has to stop to talk to everyone in sight (even if they try to hide or run away) One minute you are walking your dog, the next you have been ‘Bernied’ and you know all about every grandchild she has, the milestones they have reached and have unwittingly signed yourself up to the annual Christmas eve gathering. Oozing self-confidence that most people dream of she could happily blag her way out of or into most situations, telling the odd ‘little’ white lie along the way.

I tried to get away and move to a different county but your Leeds born and bred Grandma sold up and followed us here. Moving just a few minutes drive away and to my surprise and delight what a god send that has been.

Back to the selfie.

I instantly smiled when I received it to my phone earlier today. You was having a grandma day so I could have a little one on one time with Eli and the housework (by housework I mean Netflix) I replied instantly with a smiley face and some sarcastic comment about grandma being cool. She replied informing me it was her first ever selfie. That makes it a pretty special photo in itself but it also represents your relationship together which is becoming priceless. You are her first and only granddaughter up to now and unless Uncle Alex and Aunty Sam surprise us any time soon you will be her only granddaughter. We have a beautiful arrangement which has naturally evolved over time and gives you special time with your grandparents and me some welcome toddler free time for the boring, practical things that us adults have to do. There was a point when your grandma couldn’t wait to get her hands on you and it drove me mad. As a breastfed baby who wouldn’t take a bottle, leaving you with anyone was not an option for me and not something I had any desire to do. Any way slightly reluctantly at some point I started leaving you for the odd hour here and there while I did the grocery shopping or went to an appointment, always rushing back as soon as I could as I hated being separated from you. That hour or so gradually got longer until grandma was looking after you for the occasional full day and then the happier you seemed with being left, the more comfortable I felt and evolution progressed onto the occasional over night visit with grandma. It is so special to see you both together and I love how happy you are to leave me and how equally happy you are to see me again when you come home. You usually go to grandmas for two days a week and one night. you literally have her wrapped around your little finger and I love hearing about all the exciting things you get up to together. I remember spending the night at my grandmas when I was younger and they are amongst some of my fondest memories so I hope that will be the case for you.

So for me the reason this selfie is so special is because it symbolises your very special, ever evolving relationship. You keep her young and she grows you up.

A selfie first, her first granddaughter, the look on your faces, how your hood is up because she will have been worried you might get too cold, the smile on your grandmas face because she is with you. So many things to love about such a simple selfie.

So I have saved it for you and hope you see and appreciate its value when you are older.

Love Mummy





time,clock, clocks, pocket watch, poem, life, life poem, family poem, mum poem


Oh Evalyn, oh Elijah
If only you knew
How precious time was
How quickly you grew.
Your age once marked in a number of days
As the days increase you change in so many ways.
In a blink of an eye the days turn into weeks
You reach various milestones and will learn how to speak.
Oh Evalyn, oh Elijah
If only you knew
How time just vanishes
No matter what you do.
I spend the days in a conflicted way
Searching for spare minutes but longing for the end of the day.
I dream and wish I didn’t need sleep
So I could play with you all day and at night hoover or sweep.
I rush around trying to fit it all in
But it’s a fine balancing act when you spread yourself thin.
Oh Evalyn, oh Elijah
If only you could see
Each moment is magical and makes a memory.
A smell, a taste and even a sound
Like beautiful laughter or rain hitting the ground.
So as you grow and start to rush
Take time to appreciate the leaves on the bush,
Oh Evalyn, oh Elijah
If only I could,
Stop time for a moment, then surely I would.
Because when your all grown up some time very soon
You will no longer believe you can visit the moon
Try to remember the wonder of splashing in a puddle
And the warmth and safety felt from a cuddle.
Time is a gift that no one can give
It’s up to you to make the most of it as you live.




new born baby, baby boy, baby and teddy, red head baby

Dear Baby Eli

Dear baby Elijah,

My first letter to you at eighteen days old. It makes me smile as Eva was eighteen days old when I first wrote to her. Just short of three weeks you have been in our life and I can not imagine a world without you.


Your baby smell is incredible and I waste so much of my day sniffing your hair, probably an equal amount of time as I spend changing your poopy nappies. It is quite different having a boy, everyone told me boys are easier to change as they have less nooks and crannies down below. I am not finding this to be true between your saggy testicles and your sprinkler winky I find there is so much that can go wrong at each nappy change. It actually quite stressed me out in the first few days as you was sprinkling every where each time, soaking your clothes and me. It has calmed down now and I have developed a bit of a technique so we have a lot fewer accidents and soakings.

Being my second born will have advantages and disadvantages for you. I feel guilty that I can not give you my undivided attention and waste hours just holding you. I sometimes have to let you cry while I finish attending to Eva’s needs. I wake you up from sleep (something I would not have dreamed of doing with Eva) to get you ready so we can all leave the house. I take you to play dates and groups you have no interest in. You play with hand me down toys and use pink blankets.  What you get instead though is hopefully much more valuable. Two parents who have experience, who know what is coming and have learnt techniques to help sooth you, calm you, comfort you and teach you. We are more relaxed and balanced with you and hopefully the icing on the cake is you get a sister who I’m sure you will fight with daily but I hope will be your best friend growing up, someone you will always have in your corner throughout life.

I have just had to go out and buy round two of new clothes for you.  you are so big and strong already. trousers and tops are not so bad but you have outgrown all your baby grows and need 3-6 months to accommodate your rather large feet. You seem to do everything on a larger scale, more feeding, more crying, more pooping but what really amazes me is the more trumping, not tiny little cute whistles but angry and loud, adult sounding explosions. I am dreading being out in public when you do this as I don’t think anyone will believe such a cute and sweet looking little thing could have produced such a noise.  The one thing you do not do more of unfortunately is sleeping. I know from being a relaxed, second time parent that sleep will come in time, I’m sure that waiting for such a time will age me at least another five to ten years and these bags under my eyes will grow into epic suitcases but you are well worth it little, big man.

So at three weeks old you have already had a photo shoot, been to soft play, the park, a windmill, an aquarium and several restaurants, cafes and pubs and we have your first holiday booked in for a few weeks time to center parks. Can not wait.  We are going with Uncle Alex, Aunty Sam and your cousins so hopefully a lot of happy memories to be made. I don’t want to wish your baby days away but I also can not wait for a few years time when all four of you (maybe even five or six of you if you act super cute around your Aunty and uncle) can run around together, probably with Eva trying to boss you all around.

I tried you with a bottle of expressed milk yesterday and to my amazement you latched and guzzled the whole thing with out any hesitation or problems. Although not something I intend to use often this opens up a whole new world for me. Eva never took a bottle so I assumed you would be the same. Breast feeding is something I enjoy so much but it can be very binding and exhausting at times. You taking a bottle means I can take time for me, exercise, relax, catch up on chores the possibilities are endless but will all equal one happier mummy so thank you for making life a little easier.

We are off to village soup now so I need to get us both ready. Eva is at her grandmas so its just mummy and Eli time. A bowl of home made soup and some gluten free pancakes are just what is needed on a wet and cold day like today. If you could kindly stay asleep while I have a catch up with some other village mums it would be greatly appreciated, up to you though as you own me.

All my love  Mummy.



husband wife and baby, family photo, clumber park, family photography, organising photos, capturing the moment

Organise your memories


Dear baby Eva,

As your mother I feel it is my duty to pass on all my wisdom and life lessons learnt. Today I have realised I have made a massive mistake, even thinking about it fills me with anxiety and nausea. I am wasting hours in the evenings trying to rectify my error and wish someone would have given me the same advice I am about to share with you. If I can prevent you from experiencing half the anxiety I am experiencing by sharing this with you then I feel my role as a mother is complete.

You can choose to take this advice on board at any point in your life but it is specifically related to the time in your life when you are hopefully lucky enough to have a family of your own if you so choose. You see from the second you give birth to your beautiful baby something inside you compels you to take photos of every little moment. First hour photos, first outfit photos, first cuddle photos, coming home photos, meeting family photos, blinking photos, breathing photos etc etc the list goes on and so do the photos. This is where my advice comes in.

From the moment you get home after having your baby enjoy and cherish every moment, take as many photos as your energy allows in your new sleep deprived state but forget about the house work and focus on keeping your photos in order. Get behind at your peril. I have been late uploading and editing my photos causing a backlog of epic proportions. Pre you I printed off photo books each year which I hope we will have a lot of fun looking back on together one day.  However we are now in April 2017 and I have not printed off a book since 2015. With you arriving at the start of 2016 it threw me off and also more than quadrupled the number of photos I would normally take. I remember part way through last year attempting to tackle this problem but I became too overwhelmed and put it off, buried my head in the sand and hoped someone would just come to my rescue with all my favourite snaps organised into beautiful books. That obviously never happened so I am now spending whatever free time you give me scrolling through literally thousands of photos (mostly of you) trying to organise these memories into folders, edit them and work out which ones I would like to see in my albums. I truly hope that when you are bigger the albums discussed here will actually be a reality and we can look back through them together. What makes this task even harder is just how god dam cute you are. I start right back at the beginning and by the time I have looked through the first few months of you being born I have wasted hours without making any progress at all.

After a beautiful morning at Clumber park I am taking my own advice and currently trying to edit the photos I have taken today. Sending them straight to the folder entitled April 2017. Hopefully next time I write my files will be perfectly ordered with beautifully edited, chronologically ordered photos all ready to be printed out and kept for ever.

Love you more than squidgy cookies, which I am shortly about to demolish.



I Hate 3am

Dearest baby Eva,

It’s 3am in the morning, this hour is quickly becoming my most hated. I don’t want to discriminate too much between the hours particularly because I dislike most of them between 10pm-7am but this time just seems a little harder, quieter and more lonely than the others. 

Wow what a good girl you are. A new sleep record set at three and a half hours. I think I slept for two of them before I woke with massive, swollen breasticles desperate to feed you. On awakening I did the obligatory new baby check, focusing in on your chest looking for signs of movement. Satisfied only when your chest had inhaled and exhaled several times. 

I can hear rain or possibly snow hammering the window. My first thought is how snuggley I feel tucked up in bed all warm but then I remember I am now a mummy so need to find something to worry about and fuss over. I need to get you out for fresh air tomorrow and walk the dog. I lay here getting excited as I realise I have yet to use the rain cover on your very expensive and posh pushchair. I’m not very good at collapsing the thing so let’s hope I have more success attaching the cover. I could of course just take the easy option and stay indoors all day. I love the freedom that maternity leave gives me. But which option will I choose?
You are laid on my chest snoring your little, adorable head off so I am going to lay you down and hopefully get a few hours sleep, by sleep I actually mean quiet awake time spent watching to see if you settle, followed by the obligatory baby breathing check Mentioned above, a quick check on social media  and a few minutes spent staring at your wonderful, little self. 


You did settle and I did sleep. Oh and I think today should be an indoor day.  


I found the time and energy to play with you today. Usually I just sing or pull funny faces as you stare at me like a crazy person. But today I laid you down in front of the window with rattles and bright coloured toys scattered around. You amazed me as you focused in on the strong contrast items. People might try and tell me that babies do not smile yet, but you do. Not just practice smiles or gas but proper smiles in response to faces and sounds. If you have daddy’s brain then you was bound to be advanced

Love your mummy

P.s Today’s ups

– New sleep record set at 3.5 hours

– play time and smiles

– Five and a half hours sleep, I never thought this would be a positive thing.

Today’s downs

-Today I got my eyebrows, lip and chin waxed, I never had a beard pre pregnancy but facial hair is just a small price to pay for you.

– Your big furrother (furry brother or dog) snook into the kitchen and ate a packet of biscuits and the spaghetti bolognaise that daddy had just cooked. I’m sure I can add his dodgy stomach to the list of lowlights even though it is yet to happen.


Eighteen days young

Dear baby Eva,

You are eighteen days young today. Eighteen days since you was dramatically pulled into this crazy world and wow what a journey we have had already.

baby girl

you are one crazy little person who I am loving getting to know. A little puzzle for me to try and solve but you keep me on my toes changing from day to day.

At eighteen days young you have outgrown your first baby grow. You have allowed me to experience so many emotions at intesity levels off the scale.

I am on a roller coaster with ups, downs and massive loop the loops. We have queued up along time for this and it felt like a lot of people kept pushing in front of us.  With a bit of help though we got our turn and wow what a ride this is turning out to be.

One day in the not so distant future you will be big and all grown up. I dread that day and look forward to it in equal measures but for now want to treasure the memories for good and bad and keep a diary of our adventures for you to read in the future.

As you curl up on my chest I am looking around me. The curtains are already drawn at 5pm, It made sense to do it during your last nap even though it was still light. There is a half eaten cheese toasty to my left which you perfectly timed your awakening for. I love how you have already taught me to eat with one hand. There is a corner in the room full of pink bags which are full of gifts from people you will maybe never meet but who are important to mummy and daddy in there own way. My phone is skilfully placed within arms reach so I can update my baby tracking app, what time did I last feed you, change you, how long was your last nap? You have changed me in so many ways in such a short space of time.


So much to tell you and teach you, how you came to be, growing you, your dramatic entrance into the world and the eighteen days that followed. A story that is still being written but for now just know I love you and am learning about you daily so please keep teaching me your quirky ways.

Love your mummy

p.s today’s highlights

  • Wearing the same bra and top all day without getting too milky  or vomitty.
  • waking up to your beautiful smile was my favourite part of today. Although the experts would probably just tell me it was gas as you shouldn’t be smiling yet.
  • Bathing you all by myself equals high point, putting too much baby oil in the bath (sink) leading to slippery baby equals low point. But on the upside again it seems to have helped your dry skin. image
  • Getting pooped on at 3 am equals low point so thanks for that. Entering poopy diaper into baby tracking app and ticking the rarely used ‘open air accident’ button was an exciting treat though.
  • A lovely visit from a good friend and a gift of new shoes. My feet are still too fat and I’m not exactly hitting the town any time soon but they simbolize good times to come.