Tag Archives: mummy blog

Best night yet

Dear Eli

Seven weeks old and you have had some great adventures already. I am writing this at 5am and have been awake since 4am, for a change I can’t blame you for me being awake. After several horrendous nights you surprised and delighted me with your best night yet 7:30-1:30am and then a wake up at 4am. My body has decided that it has had enough sleep now so momsomnia has kicked in.

I had put your awful nights down to a bit of silent reflux, something I have suspected you suffered with since you was born, it seemed to get worse this last week and I even debated a trip to the drs after a few evenings of screaming and very unsettled days. From the early hours of the mornings you was waking uncomfortable and gassy spending the rest of the night trumping, grunting and leg crunching. I learnt some massage techniques with Eva which really help but only offer you temporary relief so I decided to try infacol. You have been having it at most feeds for a day and a half now so this fab night could be as a result of this. It’s a coincidence if not.

This last week has been a game changer. You are not a new born any more and so also not quite as flexible. You are more awake, more alert, have found your arms and smile. This all equals a need for more of my attention. Something I would love to give you every second of but something I am trying to learn to share with Eva. I am trying to find that balance but a baby and toddlers needs are very different so it is tricky. I feel very guilty sometimes as I don’t feel you get enough of my time but i don’t think that is the reality as you are always with me.

We are off on your first holiday very shortly and our first holiday as a family of four. It’s ridiculous how much stuff I need to pack. So much so that I don’t think it will fit in the car so we are borrowing grandads minibus. I can’t wait to take you swimming for the first time. You seem to love the water and haven’t cried for one bath time yet. In fact often you cry up to bath time but as soon as I get you undressed ready you seem to relax. We get the most smiles during or just after the bath so hopefully that will be the same for the swimming pool. I need to look into getting some swimming lessons arranged as it was my favourite activity to do with Eva.

You are such a big boy I worry that we will try and speed you up. I look at you sometimes and it is hard to remember you are just seven weeks old. You have been in 3-6 month clothes for weeks now and look more like a five month old. I promise to try and remember how young you are and not try to grow you up quicker to match your size.

Oh gosh I burst with love when I look at your sleeping little face. You still smell amazing and now I get rewarded with smiles I wish I had more hours to spend making silly faces at you.

I can’t wait for more adventures and as hard as this journey is now I am a mum to two I can’t wait to watch yours and Eva’s relationship grow. I know already that hearing you both cry together, at the same time is one of the worst sounds ever. I can only assume and look forward to the moment when you both laugh in unison? I suspect I will pop at hearing the best sound in the world.

Lots of love and snuggles

Mummy

Advertisements

Two blue lines

Dear baby Eva,

One week ago today while out shopping we passed the feminine hygiene Isle.  It suddenly dawned on me I felt sick.  I reached up and picked a pregnancy test off the shelf and handed it to daddy who was walking towards us after finishing off the shopping. He nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on as normal.

At home daddy gave you lunch. I went to the bathroom and returned minutes later with a white stick and two blue lines.  Shock, happiness and fear.  It took so long and a round of IVFT to get pregnant with you we had just decided to leave baby number two up to fate, fate was clearly in a rush. We got this though, you are an amazing baby,  placid,  happy and content and at fifteen months old a great sleeper.  Perfect timing to introduce a new member to our family right?

The excitement lasted a grand total of seven hours before reality slapped us both in the face. Ten o’clock that evening just as I closed my very heavy eyelids you woke screaming.  The second I picked you up I could tell something was wrong you was burning up and beside yourself.  39.9c I stripped you down, gave you calpol, water and cuddles and put you in our bed so I could keep an eye on you.  You drifted in and out of sleep as your temperature fluctuated.  I was close to a trip to hospital but although still high your temperature eventually came down a little and you settled for a longer stretch.  The following day was a day of cuddles and poonarmies.  Just one poo explosion after the other.  My heightened sense of smell and queasy belly the only reminders of yesterdays discovery. The next four days were awful.  Seeing you sick always breaks my heart but this was the worst I had seen you. A constantly high temperature and diaoharea left you quiet and lethargic.  You slept in our bed,  content only when you was curled up around my face,  cutting off my oxygen supply. You was OK though,  after four sleepless nights you got back to your sweet and lovely self.  It took me a bit longer to recover. In fact I’m still not sure I’m over it.

I feel terrified at the prospect of looking after two of you. It reminded me of all the sleepless nights that will come. I’m fearful I will do half the job I am doing looking after you, like my love will be split in two and divided.  I can’t imagine loving another human as much as I do you so it must just half when another baby comes along right? I’m told that’s not the case and in actual fact my love will double but right now I’m just worrying about how this decision affects you.

I’m worried about the next few months as my bump grows. Picking you up,  rolling around the floor, carrying you around the house, all things that will have to change. How am I going to keep lifting you into your cot when my bump gets in the way? What if I’m too tired to take you out places,  less patient with your tantrums, less present due to an obvious distraction?

toddler and mummy playing
Enjoying special one on one time

I could dwell and worry for the next few months but there is enough worry in pregnancy without any extra thrown into the mix.  I have to stay strong and hope that giving you a baby brother or sister is the best gift daddy and I could give you and no matter how it will affect our family of three hope that the years of laughter and memories you make with your sibling will leave you feeling full and give you a friend for life.

The one thing I do know is that I am going to make the most of every second with you as my only child before Boo Boo number two arrives.

 

husband wife and baby, family photo, clumber park, family photography, organising photos, capturing the moment

Organise your memories

 

Dear baby Eva,

As your mother I feel it is my duty to pass on all my wisdom and life lessons learnt. Today I have realised I have made a massive mistake, even thinking about it fills me with anxiety and nausea. I am wasting hours in the evenings trying to rectify my error and wish someone would have given me the same advice I am about to share with you. If I can prevent you from experiencing half the anxiety I am experiencing by sharing this with you then I feel my role as a mother is complete.

You can choose to take this advice on board at any point in your life but it is specifically related to the time in your life when you are hopefully lucky enough to have a family of your own if you so choose. You see from the second you give birth to your beautiful baby something inside you compels you to take photos of every little moment. First hour photos, first outfit photos, first cuddle photos, coming home photos, meeting family photos, blinking photos, breathing photos etc etc the list goes on and so do the photos. This is where my advice comes in.

From the moment you get home after having your baby enjoy and cherish every moment, take as many photos as your energy allows in your new sleep deprived state but forget about the house work and focus on keeping your photos in order. Get behind at your peril. I have been late uploading and editing my photos causing a backlog of epic proportions. Pre you I printed off photo books each year which I hope we will have a lot of fun looking back on together one day.  However we are now in April 2017 and I have not printed off a book since 2015. With you arriving at the start of 2016 it threw me off and also more than quadrupled the number of photos I would normally take. I remember part way through last year attempting to tackle this problem but I became too overwhelmed and put it off, buried my head in the sand and hoped someone would just come to my rescue with all my favourite snaps organised into beautiful books. That obviously never happened so I am now spending whatever free time you give me scrolling through literally thousands of photos (mostly of you) trying to organise these memories into folders, edit them and work out which ones I would like to see in my albums. I truly hope that when you are bigger the albums discussed here will actually be a reality and we can look back through them together. What makes this task even harder is just how god dam cute you are. I start right back at the beginning and by the time I have looked through the first few months of you being born I have wasted hours without making any progress at all.

After a beautiful morning at Clumber park I am taking my own advice and currently trying to edit the photos I have taken today. Sending them straight to the folder entitled April 2017. Hopefully next time I write my files will be perfectly ordered with beautifully edited, chronologically ordered photos all ready to be printed out and kept for ever.

Love you more than squidgy cookies, which I am shortly about to demolish.

Mummy

 

The best medicine 

Dear baby Eva, 

Not only did you get your first tooth but also your second the following day. I thought you was coping remarkably well until today.  both your bottom teeth have now made an appearance and I thought the cutting through the gum part was the worst bit but apparently not.  Things started to go funny from nap one which is usually around one hour and a half but today you kept on going and added another hour on. Its funny because you can’t win, I want you to sleep well but when you sleep I just want you to wake up. I did get a lot done though.  

Daddy cooked us a lovely roast chicken dinner before he went to work while I cut the grass and you played with nanny who popped in. You was a little whingy at this point which is very out of character for my normally chilled out, smiley monkey. By the time  dinner was ready you was nap ready so I put you down while daddy served up. Plating you up your very own portion.  your normal thirty minute nap turned into an hour and thirty minute nap so at this point you had well exceeded your normal daily sleep. You woke up very unhappy and kept crying out. I could tell it was going to be a tough afternoon when you wasn’t interested in your dinner so i quickly decided that after a quick nappy change a trip to the Swings was on the cards.
 Talk about a bad ten minutes. Whilst changing a very unpleasant,  weaning nappy Wilson started Barking to go out. You was getting grumpier and more unsettled by the second and quickly progressed into a cry fest. I picked you up and made my way downstairs to let the dog out when I was met at the front door by a swarm of flying ants, inside and outside.  Luckily they were black rather than the biting red ones but they was everywhere so I squirted ant powder all over with you still crying and the dog still Barking.  I secured you in your pushchair,  let the dog out and left the house in a slightly stressed daze. 

Fresh air is definitively one of the best medicines and I felt instant relief which was also helped by the fact that fresh air had calmed you down with help from your teething necklace. We walked around to nanny’s and then to the park for a play on the Swings. It was a nice few minutes and a few much needed smiles from you inbetween little crys.  We walked nanny home and then ambled around the village for a while. You fell asleep chewing on your necklace and slept for twenty five minutes.

I got a few smiles when you first woke up but then the tears started.  Teething is heartbreaking to watch. Seeing you in pain hurts me. We tried dinner but that just made things worse and you got more upset.  It was time to bring out the calpol as my cuddles had stopped helping. 

I don’t have television on around you very often. Not because i am particularly strict or against it but just because I know in the not so distant future I am going to lose you to it so I am trying to delay that event. Today though was an exception and after calpol we sat snuggled on the sofa watching word party on Netflix.  It had the desired effect and distracted you enough for the calpol to kick in. 

The night got worse after lots of crying out in your sleep you eventually woke in the early hours screaming with a low grade fever. Medicine, cuddles and a snuggle in mummy and daddy’s bed helped and after an hour and half sleep in our bed I put you back into your cot around 4am. 
Today has been much the same. Temperature and grumpiness,  poor baby. Daddy is off so we had a family walk to the woods which helped relax and distract you. Today sleep has not come so easily and after just three short cat naps I put you to bed early and you fell straight asleep by 6:30pm fingers crossed for a better night and a happier day tomorrow.  


Teething sucks!  Enough said!

Love you 

X

Your first wedding

Dear baby Eva,

You are ten weeks old today!

Today is grandads wedding to grandma Carol, it has only taken them seventeen years to get here. It’s also the first wedding you have ever been to.

Wow getting ready for a wedding has a whole new meaning these days. I started prepping a couple of days ago, painting one nail at a time In between feeds and cuddles. There was a lot of smudges and restarts but I managed to finish painting the full set including toes just in time. The wedding wasn’t until 2:30pm but it took all morning to get the three of us ready to leave the house. I had a bath early on so I could start on hair and make up. You needed a feed post bath and as always I was happy to oblige. As a refluxy baby I am very used to vomit however mid feed you vomited on a spectacular scale covering my breasts, belly and arm, full puke not just watery spit up. So for today’s wedding I will be wearing perfume de la vomit. We all got dressed at the last second to try and avoid vomit covered clothing and actually managed to leave the house with a little bit of time to spare.

When we arrived it didn’t take long for you to wake up and assume your favourite position, feeding on mummies boobies. I had chosen my outfit carefully to allow for ease of access and actually felt quite good about myself considering only ten weeks ago you was a bump in my belly. Mid feed we got told we needed to take our seats in the ceremony room. Not wanting to miss grandads wedding i managed to negotiate two flights of stairs and the isle to take our seats next to grandad, all without you de-latching once. You finished feeding mid ceremony and then had a little cat nap, waking at the end when everyone clapped the newly weds. Not one bit of fussing from you. Perfect baby.
You slept through most of the reception and woke just before we needed to head back upstairs. Just enough time for a few photos and quick nappy change.

At the table I sat you up on my knee so you could see what was going on. Aunty Amanda waved at you and you waved back…………….. Well you looked like you Waved back and got lots of laughs. She waved again and again you waved back. I’m not talking about a smooth well controlled wave more of a flapping up and down but you kept doing it on que. I’m not suggestion you are a super baby although as your mummy I think you are but you definitely had some form of thought process to your flapping. You did it too many times for it to be a coinsidence.

By now I was starving and as it was approaching 4pm this meant so was you. Time to start cluster feeding and stocking up for night time. I ate all my dinner with one hand while you fed away. I haven’t known loads of babies but from my limited experience and what other people tell me you feed a lot. I mean a lot a lot. I kept receiving comments about how much filling you take. I felt the need to justify your hunger by explaining that yes you feed constantly from 4pm until 7pm with a cat nap and break for bath or change in the middle but this is because you are stocking up so you can sleep for eight or nine hours straight. That soon shuts them up as they agree the three hour feed is worth it for a full nights sleep. Agreed I will take your feeding and sleeping habits over most ten week old babies anytime.

I decided to change you out of your pretty dress into night time clothes and also give you a little bed time massage around 6pm when we would usually start bath time. You carried on feeding like normal and I put you down to sleep when you pulled off like I would every other night. The difference being it was in your pushchair, with lots of people and a loud disco. You was also unswaddled. Around 8pm when you would usually fall asleep you started yawning and you’re eyes looked heavy. Your arms were distracting and waking you so I decided to swaddle you like I normally would. You was asleep in seconds. I thought we had cracked it for the night and had a few hours to relax and catch up with family but you woke about an hour later and just went between comfort feeding to sleeping. You was still quite happy and smiling but I could see how tired your eyes were so decided the only option was to get you home to sleep properly. I had had enough of exposing my breasts all day and was getting tired myself so we said our goodbyes and left.

You got to sleep again in your crib at around eleven but woke about an hour later. I thought I might have broken you but you settled quite quickly and slept from around midnight until seven. I would like to say it was nice to sleep through all those horrible early hours but I didn’t sleep well and kept waking to check on you.

You looked beautiful today

Love mummy

Your first swimming lesson

dear baby Eva,

I am a little bit excited today as it is your first swimming lesson. Your Aqua nappy to go over your swimming nappies hasn’t arrived but they said they would have one to borrow so we are still on. I have packed everything tonight so we don’t end up rushing tomorrow.

The plan is to set off early so we have time to get you ready and fed before it starts. Grandma Coultate is coming too just to help us while we figure out where everything is. 

So I have loved today. Love the sense of achievement I felt by getting you out the house, making it to the leisure centre and getting you into the pool. Not one hundred percent to plan but it was still a victory. 

I blame you, you distracted me. I had everything ready to go and wanted to leave at eleven but you wanted to feed, that wasn’t the problem we had plenty of time for that it was how cute you looked after feeding it caused me to loose track of time. Grandma luckily mentioned it was half eleven and what time did we need to leave. half an hour ago. Full systems go. I am leaving out the part where mummy and daddy had a huge argument he can be very silly some times baby Eva and even grandma agreed. 

Feeling hot a bothered we arrived bang on time but needed to get you changed and into the pool. Just as we got your swim nappy on there was a rumble in the jungle as you let out a big poop. No problem, new nappy on lets go. 

So the lesson was a lovely relaxing float around to start with to get you used to the sensation. You liked it, I think. I then poured water over your head. Some of the other babies who had been going longer was actually going fully under the water, amazing. We managed about half the lesson before you wanted feeding so spent the other half watching from the side my boob in your mouth. I stayed in the water though so your legs where still floating around. 

   
   
Can’t wait for next week. I will try and get there early this time so you can feed before we get in. 

Love mummy 

I made the effort, now the post lady won’t deliver to us. 

Dear baby Eva,

Another sleepless night. Your just so unsettled it upsets me. It’s either trapped gas or reflux.

It’s a gorgeous day today so even though I am pooped I decided to make the effort and get us both some fresh air. 

I didn’t want to go out without Wilson as that seemed unfair but he has an issue with leaving our drive with just one person. He just won’t walk with anyone unless there is another person, safety in numbers I think. 

Anyway I really wanted him to have a nice walk so chopped up some sausage which he loves but is not allowed because he is allergic and felt confident I could tempt him with that. 

We got everything sorted and got out the front door. I dropped wilsons lead for a split second while locking the door but suddenly watched him race around the corner barking loudly, followed by a scream. Fluff the post lady! He had chased the poor lady down the drive. He isn’t aggressive and has never hurt anyone but is just a very good guard dog, if she had just stood there and said hello he would have wagged his tail or ran off scared. That being said I don’t blame her and I am not excusing his behaviour, he looks scary. It’s hard because if that was an intruder which he thought she was then that is exactly what I would want him to do.  If he was a person I am sure he would have an asbo since we moved down here. 

  

  
I grabbed the dog and put him back in the house quickly so I could try and catch the post lady, MAry  to apologise. She is a lovely lady and clearly not a massive dog lover. I apologised perfusly but as nice as she was about the situation she has refused to deliver post up our drive now. We have to Buy and fit a box on our gate aswell as leave somewhere for packages. I get that he frightened her but he isn’t left to go out on his own it was just a split second, bad timing and she could see I had my hands full with your push chair. It’s not like he bit her or even tried. 

Oh well another thing to add to the to do list. Don’t Know why I make the effort! 

Oh and just to add quickly I did go back up and get the dog who with the temptation of sausage managed to walk about a meter or two from the gate before laying down and trying to drag us back home. Perfect!

Back In the house for the dog, I tried. 

We carried on with the plan and after doing our usual loop of the village I decided it was far to nice to go home so we carried on. We called in at nanny’s mostly because I wanted a bottle of water but to say hello aswell, we went around the playing field, down the the other side of the village and just carried on walking. It was lovely and I needed the fresh air as much as you. 

Whilst writing this I just felt something tickling my arm, I couldn’t work out where it was coming from or what it was and then realised I hadnt clipped my bra back up after the last feed so there was a free flow jet of milk enjoying its freedom.

Motherhood is a glamorous job.

Love mummy.

Today I am broken

Dear baby Eva,

I need to start by telling you how much I love you. That being said the last fourty eight hours have broken me.

I am sat on the end of my bed staring at you in tears. You are still just about asleep after the dog decided to bark and wake you up. It only took me twenty minutes to get you to sleep almost the same amount of time you have actually been in slumberland and now you are almost awake so we can start the whole process again, feed, activity and sleep. 

  
I slept for a maximum of three hours last night, that’s being generous. We moved bath time earlier to six pm and followed it up with the usual baby massage and feed. It was the easiest and quickest put down ever and you was asleep without fuss in minutes. Here’s where cocky mummy messed up. Instead of doing my usual sleep when you sleep thing I decided it would be a good idea to actually eat dinner with daddy downstairs, optimistic that you would sleep for around five hours followed by another two or three hour stint more if I was lucky. I hooked the baby monitor up and headed for the kitchen. The monitor is better than an award winning, blockbuster movie and I was glued to it. Because we was ahead of schedule dinner wasn’t quite ready so I got a cup of tea and biscuits while I waited and watched. 

  
Oh fluff what the fluff is that on the screen? Daddy thinks he’s funny sneaking into the room and trying to scare mummy with his goust like hands on the monitor. It would have been hilarious if he had woken you up at the same time. 

So ten and twenty minutes passed and I started to relax, just the gentle whoosh of the white noise was all I could hear through the monitor and then silence, silence? Why has the white noise stopped? With my breath held I watched the monitor and there was a little wiggle, followed by a bigger wiggle and an eye open, two eyes open. Fine I’m coming up princess.

  
With a little soothing you eventually closed those beautiful blue eyes of yours and drifted back to sleep. Great the plan is still all systems go. Not feeling quite as confident I rushed downstairs and wolfed dinner down as quick as I could fixated on the monitor screen. One of your little eyes kept flicking open and closed, it looked heavy but you was fighting it. I’m sure you was looking for mummy who is always there when you wake up, I felt mean like I had tricked you so dinner eaten I headed up for the night. It took me a while but eventually we both drifted of to sleep.

Just after midnight you woke, fed and went back down. The new pampers baby dry are amazing as I don’t have to disturb you with nappy changes unless you poop. This is where it all went wrong. To start with just a few whimpers I looked over but sound asleep, more whimpers which started turning into grunts and growls followed by thrashing and what looked like reverse crunches or leg lifts I couldn’t tell if you was awake or asleep but I knew you was uncomfortable and that upset mummy. I suspected gas was the culprit but couldn’t help you get any up or down. 

What a horrendous night. I couldn’t sleep through your thrashing and grunts one because you was too loud but two because it concerned me and I wanted to make sure you was ok. I got an extra hour when daddy took you downstairs but you just wanted to feed so we wasn’t apart for long.

So a bad night is usually followed by a bad morning And this morning is as bad as they come. The plan was to meet uncle Carl and Ollie for breakfast but I couldn’t see that happening, we would actually have to get out of bed and get ready which requires energy for that to happen. In mummy and daddy’s exhausted state there was a few fluffy words used as daddy didn’t want to cancel. It isn’t a competition for who is most tired but it is definitley me princess one hundred percent. 

Following on from above fluffy words I snapped and cried, alot. Full snotty, spluttering crying. This is not at all like mummy I can go years without crying normally but like I said the last fourty eight hours have broken me. 

I pulled myself together, eventually. we decided we needed to drag our selfs out the house and snap out of it. We drove to Newark just for something to do. Shopping has a very different meaning these days.we didn’t even step foot into a clothes shop.

 Luckily Newark has an M&S food so to cheer us up we bought half the store and drove to a pretty village for your first car picnic, a favourite pass time activity of mummy and daddy’s.

  
I’m a bit too exhausted to write properly start fish but the last three nights have all been the same. A maximum of four hours sleep and you squirming around. I bought fennel tea as I read that could help and I must admit last night seemed slightly better. You still squirmed and grunted but was actually passing gas, a lot of it and very loudly which you wasn’t on previous nights.  I think you take after daddy. 

I have my six week check up at the Drs today so will mention it then and see if they can help. It might just be a growth spurt thing as you have been constantly attached to my boobs the last two days. My poor boobs hurt as its just an eat, sleep frenzy. 

Fingers crossed for a better night tonight.

Love mummy

I Hate 3am

Dearest baby Eva,

It’s 3am in the morning, this hour is quickly becoming my most hated. I don’t want to discriminate too much between the hours particularly because I dislike most of them between 10pm-7am but this time just seems a little harder, quieter and more lonely than the others. 

Wow what a good girl you are. A new sleep record set at three and a half hours. I think I slept for two of them before I woke with massive, swollen breasticles desperate to feed you. On awakening I did the obligatory new baby check, focusing in on your chest looking for signs of movement. Satisfied only when your chest had inhaled and exhaled several times. 

  
I can hear rain or possibly snow hammering the window. My first thought is how snuggley I feel tucked up in bed all warm but then I remember I am now a mummy so need to find something to worry about and fuss over. I need to get you out for fresh air tomorrow and walk the dog. I lay here getting excited as I realise I have yet to use the rain cover on your very expensive and posh pushchair. I’m not very good at collapsing the thing so let’s hope I have more success attaching the cover. I could of course just take the easy option and stay indoors all day. I love the freedom that maternity leave gives me. But which option will I choose?
You are laid on my chest snoring your little, adorable head off so I am going to lay you down and hopefully get a few hours sleep, by sleep I actually mean quiet awake time spent watching to see if you settle, followed by the obligatory baby breathing check Mentioned above, a quick check on social media  and a few minutes spent staring at your wonderful, little self. 

  

You did settle and I did sleep. Oh and I think today should be an indoor day.  

  

I found the time and energy to play with you today. Usually I just sing or pull funny faces as you stare at me like a crazy person. But today I laid you down in front of the window with rattles and bright coloured toys scattered around. You amazed me as you focused in on the strong contrast items. People might try and tell me that babies do not smile yet, but you do. Not just practice smiles or gas but proper smiles in response to faces and sounds. If you have daddy’s brain then you was bound to be advanced

Love your mummy

P.s Today’s ups

– New sleep record set at 3.5 hours

– play time and smiles

– Five and a half hours sleep, I never thought this would be a positive thing.

Today’s downs

-Today I got my eyebrows, lip and chin waxed, I never had a beard pre pregnancy but facial hair is just a small price to pay for you.

– Your big furrother (furry brother or dog) snook into the kitchen and ate a packet of biscuits and the spaghetti bolognaise that daddy had just cooked. I’m sure I can add his dodgy stomach to the list of lowlights even though it is yet to happen.